9. The Wake of Detroit

Our Death and Resurrection
This post is for anyone who has ever gone through trials in their life, and had it made harder by people around you not knowing what you've been going through.

Detroit Tiger Stadium Demolition.

"You took our country from its infancy into industry. And your name still carries with it, the idea of a nation. Built on steel, muscle and sweat. you became a city that carried a country. Who know that nothing is accomplished without hard work, without sacrifice. When you hurt, we hurt..."-Detroit Rap Artist Eminem

A Letter To My Sister

Dear Tracey,

I hope everything is going well in out on the East Coast. How is you cat adjusting?  How's my little nephew Zach? I love keeping up on Facebook and seeing pictures, he's getting so big.  Kylie is doing good. She is so smart, she already knows her ABC's, shapes, and animals. 

I hope Ron (your husband) is enjoying his new job, and you yours. It stinks that you guys had to move out of state. It seems like everyone is moving away from Michigan now-a-days. You mentioned on Facebook that the things on the news out in small towns cracks you up. I can only imagine what type of things you mean. Maybe we should all long for such places where it amazes us what makes the news, rather than being confused why something hasn't, that should of.... nothing in particular in mind here, just rambling and small talk.

The weather has been beautiful lately, I hope you saw the pictures of Kylie swimming for the first time. I try to follow everything you post about Zach, you don't even know! Every day is so great, I hope you are enjoying him growing up as much as I am with Kylie!

Sigh... I guess I need some advice, and also someone just to talk to. I am completely and utterly lost. If you would be so kind to listen to me.... even though some of this is whining.... at an age where I should have long hardened up and figured out how to deal with all of life's hardships. But I know, you're busy, and I apologize about the length.

I just got off the phone with Dad. He invited us to go a bar-b-cue tomorrow, and I wanted to go so bad that I asked him to spot us for some gas money. I haven't seen him since Christmas, and I just so wanted to be there with Kally and Kylie, and now where going. But, he said (after saying he could offer to help if we ever need it to come visit, some time ago) that; "wow you guys are doing so bad that you don't even have money for gas". Sigh. He offered half the money, $10. I have to figure out how to make it down there now after already telling Kylie and Kally they were going to see Grandpa. The trip with these gas prices is $20-$30 round trip.... gulp!

It's Summer now, and were living with Kally's Mom; she's awesome. She bought us furniture, helped us with our rent, and now is giving us a place to stay. But, it's wearing on her, I can tell. 

Kally hated our little attempt to fly (metaphor) down in Detroit. In that smelly, old apartment (great place to lay a foundation, a blank canvass that city is... but only if you know how to paint). It had mice, we got cats (expensive mistake) and Kally doesn't know this but one night I woke up and saw a roach in bathroom... I killed it. Eww... there are some nice urban lofts and condos in the city, we went and looked at them (no clue why), but that isn't where we were. We were stuck in a old crumbling dangerous building owned by a slum lord, laughed at by all our friends and family out in Livonia and Saginaw, and held for contempt by all our poor friends (one person's slum is another person's oasis. The poor people mentality don't live Downtown, only hopeless dreamers do).

I had to get us out of there, it wasn't an oasis, or our pursuit of happiness. It was an elevator, and that elevator was headedstraight down to Hell. I walked away from a job that I was incompetent for (and would thus be losing soon anyway), and told them I had a nervous breakdown. The stories elsewhere to anyone of why that happened where only half truths, the real truth is in this letter. I was able to do the jobs I trained myself to do.

Now just the other night, Kally... (my wife) came crying to me, saying that she hated being back here, and that we felt lost.  Just trying to get help from these government programs is like like a job in itself. The weight of the world is on my shoulders in Uncle Sam's food stamps, and how I will explain this to Kally and Kylie.

Mom told me to buy a lottery ticket. She got us a snow globe with an angel that says to pray for hope.

Kally's Mom bought us a lottery ticket for Fathers and Mothers Day and told us to work hard, then she got us a bunch of chocolates, cookies, and ho-hos. She looks less worried since we got on food stamps. She got mad at us from changing her normal grocery list recently.  I gained thirty pounds since I have been here.

Geese, sorry, this is getting depressing. Where is my hope snow globe to say a prayer too so that god will come and save me? Hehe, sorry about the sarcasm, just trying to keep some light heartedness in here.  I appreciate everything, but that just isn't what I needed.

Please, offer me some words of advice.  I'm lost, I have my faith back... and I will even be bold enough to say that I don't need a money... or a fish... but I could use someone who could give me direction and maybe teach me how to fish... or if you know anyone who can help... it would be appreciated.

Geese, where is the damn violin?  Honestly, a tombstone?

I would love to talk more on the phone, and know I am putting you in a weird place by asking for an ear and some life advice.


Sincerely,

Sean Anthony

Rekindling A Flame

“We need to get a little bit of positive attitude out there.  Too many are mired in the past glories of the industrial era, led by the auto industry".
-Michigan Governor Rick Snyder

After our drive down historic 12th Street, a street of ruins, sorrows, and inspiration, in Detroit, Michigan, my daughter and I headed back to our apartment where my wife was back packing our things, as we were essentially losing our apartment.  In the month's that followed we would also lose employment, go on academic probation, and sink into a depression that led to attempted suicides.  Pushing obese, we would also lose almost all our friends.  We were losing, and felt like we lost everything.

But, we were not dead just yet.

After all this, my wife and I got fed up.  We sat down with our friend; Lucy, and drafted up a full list of goals, made a plan and schedule to keep them, and vowed to keep each other accountable.

The next day my wife and I awoke to  the beat of a new drum.  We committed ourselves, and in one month like JUICE, things began to change for us.  Full of energy and passion for life, we organized a garage sale and made our first ten dollars.  That same week we began working out, and at month's end, we had lost ten pounds each.

We took that garage sale money and invested it into some novelty items to sell at fireworks events across Michigan; Livonia Spree, Detroit-Windsor Freedom Festival, Bay City Festival of Fireworks, and the Saginaw July 4th Fireworks.  We walked away another three pounds lighter, and several hundred dollars richer.  As we speak we are in the promise of reinvesting that money.

No longer do we sit on the sidelines.  We've gotten of the wall and quit hating.  Hell is for damn quitters.  A new day, and I feel so alive.  My wife is happy again.  DeShaun was right when he said a positive anything is better than a negative nothing.  It's about time to turn some other things around around here too...

“I want our home to be successful because it’s a reflection on us.  I can choose not to cut the grass at home, right? That’s not a very good reflection on me, my family or anybody.  I’m tired of being ashamed of where I live, and I don’t think we should be. I think it’s a great place and it can be a great place..."
-Mark Reuss, president of General Motors North America